Oftentimes the "most wonderful time of the year" is served up with a side of stress and anxiety that can cause a serious case of the holiday blues, according to Anne Cusack, PsyD, associate clinical professor at University of California San Diego School of Medicine and clinical psychologist at UC San Diego Health.
"During the holidays, we see a lot of common concerns, from money and body image concerns to loneliness and depression," Cusack says. "People can often internalize these feelings, thinking 'What's wrong with me?' When in reality, so many people are feeling the exact same way."
The American Psychiatric Association (APA) reports that Americans are more anxious about the holidays this year than they were last year, with 41% of respondents saying they anticipate more stress — up from 28% in 2024, in the latest APA Healthy Minds Poll.
Financial strain tops the list of stressors, with 58% of respondents worrying about overspending. Emotional challenges also loom large, with nearly half of respondents struggling with grief or missing loved ones, while 31% fear loneliness. What's more, 64% of people with mental illness report worsening symptoms during the holidays, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
How to cope? Taking a proactive approach to identifying stress triggers before they occur can be the key to unlocking the joyful holiday celebrations and interactions people crave. Perfect holidays are fiction, but meaningful ones can be crafted with forethought and self-compassion, according to Cusack. Here, she provides insight about setting limits that honor your reality, inviting grief in instead of pushing it away, and trading comparison for presence.
"You don't have to do the holidays, 'right.' You just have to do them your way — intentionally, kindly and in line with what matters most to you," Cusack says.
Cusack explains that the holidays pull people out of their normal routines, which can heighten anxiety. "The holiday season carries a lot of weight because expectations are high, routines unravel and we're around people we may not see often. This combination can be emotionally intense."
Start with a reality check: 'Cope' ahead
Cusack's first principle is deceptively simple: take inventory. "Look at your calendar. Chose the events that excite you and the ones that spike your stress. Notice where sleep, meals or movement will be disrupted, then plan for those vulnerabilities," she says.
That could mean banking extra sleep before a late-night flight or strategizing in advance for tricky family interactions — like that uncle who loves political debates. Plan ahead for the moments you know will be difficult, then decide how you'll show up differently.
Family dynamics and tense conversations can spike anxiety. It can be helpful to clarify your limits around time, topics and expectations. Respectfully redirect conversations about stressful subjects like politics, and don't hesitate to limit interactions with people who drain your energy. Communicating your needs early, rather than avoiding those challenging conversations, can prevent unnecessary conflict, Cusack says.
“You don’t have to do the holidays, ‘right.’ You just have to do them your way — intentionally, kindly and in line with what matters most to you."
— Anne Cusack, PsyD, associate clinical professor at University of California San Diego School of Medicine and clinical psychologist at UC San Diego Health
Set limits without guilt
Expectations balloon during the holidays — on our time, wallets and emotional bandwidth. Cusack's antidote? Align your behavior to reflect your capacity and values.
"You don't have to attend every party or buy every gift. If finances are tight, write a heartfelt card, plan an experience, make something. Often the gifts we remember most weren't something bought in a store," she says.
Racking up high credit card bills to cover the costs of holiday expectations can sabotage joy. Rather than avoiding looking at bank statements and bills, make a budget for how much you can realistically spend, and stick to it.
Honor grief and create rituals for loneliness
Grief is the emotion many try to push away during the holidays, yet avoidance often prolongs pain.
"As hard as it may be, find a way to honor the person you're missing," Cusack encourages. "Bake your grandmother's cookies and tell a story while they're in the oven. Set a photo of your dad at the head of the table. The more we talk about our loved ones and experience that emotion, the more they are still present in our lives, and the less acute grief becomes."
Social pressure to feel joyful can make sadness even more difficult to bear. Give yourself permission to experience emotions without judgement, Cusack urges. And when grief or loneliness surface, consider reaching out to a trusted friend, therapist or support group instead of simply bottling up those feelings.
For those spending the holidays alone, Cusack suggests treating the holiday as still worthy of celebration. Plate your meal, light a candle, watch a movie that comforts you, take a long walk.
"New rituals can coexist alongside longing," she explains. "And you are worth celebrating."
Social media and cell phone detox
The carefully curated reels of families in matching Christmas pajamas and over-the-top New Year's celebrations can make real life feel lacking. Social media can be a habitual comparison trap and while it may feel like connection, most of the time it displaces the in-person connection we actually need, according to Cusack.
"Take a social media vacation. Delete apps temporarily, keep devices out of reach during gatherings and choose intentional use instead of autopilot scrolling," Cusack advises.
Take it a step further and practice what Cusack calls "cell phone hygiene," by turning off all notifications, keeping the phone off your body and taking "mini phone vacations" (an hour in another room, a grocery run without it, a day powered down).
"You can then be intentional by choosing windows of time to catch up with your phone, rather than letting buzzes interrupt your presence. Let your phone become one tool among many — not the most important thing in the room," Cusack urges.
Set boundaries on body image
The holidays are a notorious time of year for criticism of our own eating habits. Cusack urges people to skip harmful body or diet shaming and set a boundary for conversations.
"Whether we're eating more sweets, more cheeses, or whatever it is, we're often eating in a different way this time of year than we normally do and judging ourselves," Cusack says. "You can say, 'Let's skip body talk and enjoy the meal.' And if you live with an eating disorder, it's OK to exit conversations that increase urges for you."
Find ways to savor
Adding small moments of delight and play with family or friends can help combat the stressful and overwhelming feelings the holidays can breed.
"The holidays have a special kind of whimsy," Cusack says. "Let yourself be silly. Sit on the floor and play Uno with the kids. Add whipped cream to your coffee. Throw a marshmallow at your sister. Laugh."
And rather than worrying about a good time coming to an end, learn to savor the present moment with this simple grounding exercise to transport you away from stress or rumination:
- Look: Name five things you see (twinkle lights, a smile, steam on cocoa).
- Listen: Name four sounds (music, laughter).
- Touch: Name three sensations (warm sweater, soft pet).
- Smell: Name two scents (cinnamon, pine).
- Taste: Name one flavor (peppermint).
Help kids (and yourself) reclaim novelty
Between gaming, scrolling and streaming, subconscious tech use can create feelings of emptiness. Cusack challenges families to re-discover off-screen activities: A water-balloon fight (yes, in winter — California style), learning a new recipe, going bowling, making a craft, attending an outdoor concert.
"When you put a pause on tech and try something new, returning to it later feels more novel," she explains. But parents should resist pairing "tech breaks" with chores, because if off-screen time equates to cleaning, odds are that kids won't willingly unplug.
She suggests building a "curiosity list" together, filled with ideas you've been interested in, but haven't yet tried. Pick a new one each week to explore.
"Being willing to try new things brings out a sense of curiosity. Even if you try something you don't end up loving, it is a worthwhile learning experience because you're gathering data about your likes and dislikes and not just mindlessly scrolling."
Rethink resolutions
Finally, as 2025 comes to a close, Cusack suggests focusing on values over resolutions in the new year.
"The problem with resolutions is that they imply regret," she says. "Values are guiding principles you never 'finish.' If you value friendship, you'll keep acting in service of it — calling, showing up, scheduling time."
If health is a value, rather than focusing on the scale, create behaviors that serve as healthy anchors. It could be regular evening walks with a neighbor, making home-cooked meals more days than not each week or turning the lights out 30 minutes earlier at night.
"Values are lived, not achieved," Cusack says. "With planning, mindfulness and self-awareness, you can learn to better navigate stress and embrace the season's magic."
Behavioral & Mental Health Care
UC San Diego Health mental health professionals comprehensively care for all types of mental health conditions.
